Proposal Season: Rooting Yourself Before You Say “Yes”

As the leaves turn and September nudges us into autumn, it’s a natural time to pause, reflect, and lay down roots for the future. For many couples, that includes proposals — because yes, proposal season is right around the corner! 💍

But before you pop the question (or hope to be asked), it’s worth taking a moment to ground yourself. A proposal isn’t just a “big romantic gesture” — it’s the first step into marriage, into building a life together, and into writing the next chapter of your love story.

In this blog, I’ll share some thoughts to help you get yourself into the best place emotionally and practically — so when the moment comes, it feels authentic, confident, and truly yours.

Proposals aren’t a one-way street — and they’re certainly not a guaranteed “yes.” They can be a really nerve-wracking time!  Nerves aside, proposals are  the moment you take your relationship onto another level of truth and connection.  You are being vulnerable,  You are being hopeful, and you are being decisive!  So I’m here, with my 13 years as a celebrant,  and 15 years into marriage,  to give you that confidence! 

Some couples wait years without an engagement in sight. Others feel the urge but don’t ask, or don’t put out the signals that this is what they really want. Or, like my husband, proposed on the day he met me, but then had to do it again so I knew he wasn’t kidding!   Whichever side you’re on, it’s worth pausing to think about why you’re proposing in the first place — because that intention is the baseline for your marriage, your hopes, and, eventually, the design of your ceremony and the tone of your marriage.  

Here are some things to keep in mind:

1 – Are you an incubator, procrastinator, or spontaneous?

Before the pandemic, around 75–83% of people felt pressure to make their proposal unique — often so much pressure it stopped them asking at all. But don’t call it procrastination. More often, you’re simply incubating, wanting to “get it right.”

Take a breath. Asking someone to marry you is incredible in itself. Since the pandemic, over 50% of proposals have been spontaneous. We’ve all become more about seizing the day — so once you’ve read this, nothing should hold you back!  You can always ask Mr N!

2 – Make it about them, not you

Marriage is about building happiness, love and respect together. It is also about understanding and speaking the love language they understand.  

Think about it…If you love ‘acts of service’ but they love ‘words of affirmation’, then take a moment to check which love language you need to speak to them in. 

 When it comes to the proposal moment, think about what feels special to them as well as you. If you love stomping through the woods regardless of weather,  but they’d rather be at a spa with a glass of bubbly, then perhaps go with a relaxation and wellness vibe of a ‘gentle walk’ that finished with a cosy drink, rather than muddy boots 🙂 .  It’s about adding joy to what already brings you both joy.

3 – Don’t be empty-handed

Spontaneous or not, turning up without a token sends the wrong message. It could show that you didn’t prepare, and that you perhaps can’t be relied on to be ready for whatever life throws at you in the future.

It doesn’t need to be the “forever ring” — you can pick up a placeholder, slip on a Haribo ring, or twist one from twigs and foliage if you are outside.  Just have something. 

It shows thought, commitment, aptitude and substance.

However, if you do have the forever ring –  Please, please have insurance before you leave the house. You’d be amazed at how many things can go wrong and how your nerves will be wrecked as the ring burns a hole in your pocket because you are terrified of losing it!  (that’s a whole other blog!).

4 – Remember: it’s a question, not an instruction

“Will you marry me?” is powerful because it’s a question. It respects their free will. It says, “I choose you — do you choose me too?” It shows your vulnerability. It shows you are willing to take a risk and be brave.  It shows you love them even when you are nervous and not in control!

The big balloon letters and light-up signs are beautiful, but don’t make it an instruction”  ‘Marry me!’ is not an invitation to a future together of mutual love and respect. 

Let them replace the most important part: the courage to ask the question. That vulnerability is what makes it so meaningful.

5 – Security in the familiar: practice

Your brain doesn’t like the unknown — which is why your knees wobble, palms sweat, or your voice disappears. To ease the nerves, practise. Say the words aloud, rehearse the pause, let your body get used to the moment. Clumsy is cute — but confidence gives your truth space to land. You want it to be a truly powerful moment after all!

6 – Shhh! Keep it secret (for now)

Good news is hard to keep in. But try. The more people you tell, the more pressure builds. Keep it yours until the moment has passed, and then share it together, perhaps the next day.  That first announcement as a couple is unforgettable.

The bonus? You’ve just done your vow groundwork!

Every thought that went into your proposal — why this person, why this love, why this future — is exactly what you’ll draw on when writing your vows. That’s where your truth shines through.

And this is where I come in. As a celebrant, my role is to help you carry that truth forward into your ceremony. Because knowing why you’re proposing is the foundation of everything that follows. Together, I as your celebrant, and you, as a couple, shall create a wedding ceremony that honours your story, your values, and the joy you share.

Your proposal is the question. Your vows are the answer. Your ceremony is the celebration of it all.

Good luck!