Weddings, funerals, namings and everything in between… if we’re honest, people don’t always remember the details. They remember what’s important to them.
For the guests, it’s often the music.
For my clients, it’s always the feeling.
The feeling of love — be that the joy of love at a naming ceremony, the hope of love at a wedding, or the evidence of love at a funeral. Whatever the occasion, that’s what I strive to get right: the feeling.
Back in 1971, Carl W. Buehner of the Mormon Church said:
“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
It’s a sentiment later echoed — and made immortal — by the great Maya Angelou:
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Those words are everything to me. Because I know people won’t remember every line of a ceremony script or the exact order of the readings. They remember the feeling it gave them.
I’m not selling words. I’m not selling a script.
What I offer is something far deeper.
I’m helping people feel something — together.
Yes, my years of experience (over two decades in events and ceremonies) contribute to that feeling, but what I truly “sell” is connection: the magic that happens when we translate a story into a moment that moves everyone present.
It’s hours of thought, imagination, readings, vow workshops, choreography, Zoom calls, coffees, catch-ups, and sometimes even a shared dog walk — all culminating in that one moment when everyone breathes in the same love.
That’s what a celebrant-led ceremony can do.
And that’s why I love this work.
Unlike registrars or clergy, we are not bound by a prescribed text. We have the freedom — and the responsibility — to make something beautifully unique.
For some, the repetition of a familiar liturgy brings comfort and a sense of ancestry. I completely understand that. I was brought up in the church, and it’s nice to know things off by heart – feeling safe in the familiar. But for others — for most of the people I work with — it’s about having a ceremony that reflects who they truly are and how they wish to be remembered or celebrated.
That’s why I’m an Independent Celebrant — because it allows me to make space for faith and freedom, for culture and creativity, for personality and love.
We have the power of choice.
We have the luxury of freedom.
Maya Angelou also said,
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
So, let’s tell those stories. Let’s release them. Let’s make people feel.
When I look back on a ceremony or even a styled shoot I created (like the bluebell wood wedding film linked below) I don’t just remember what happened. I remember how it felt.
Pride. Joy. Love.Warmth.
That deep knowing that I got it right for them, and I helped them get it right for themselves.
That’s what I want for every couple, every family, every guest, every celebrant that I mentor who steps into this calling. Because when we, as celebrants, learn to craft feeling — not just structure — we elevate the entire experience.
It’s not about the perfect script.
It’s about creating something that resonates long after the last note of music fades.
So, if you’re a celebrant reading this, ask yourself:
Did it feel right?
Because when it does — when it truly feels right — that’s when you know you’ve done your best work.
(And if you’d like to explore how to find and shape that feeling more intentionally — for yourself and your ceremonies — I’d love to help you uncover it.)
With warmth and wonder,
Helen x
Celebrant of Surrey
