“Why bother having a wedding?” “Why not just elope?” “What’s the point of a wedding?”
I hear these questions more often than you might think – obviously not from my couples, by the time they find me, but at least one of these questions would have been considered, even just for a fleeting moment, because these are honest, deeply human questions, and there’s no shame in asking them. In a world where intimate elopements and micro-weddings are popular, couples are genuinely wondering what tradition gives them versus what feels right for their soul. Of course, I could write a blog on tradition.. But.. that’s for another day. This is about being human.
Photographer: Deborah Grace Photography
Venue: Kew Gardens
At its heart, a wedding is a rite of passage. It is a ritual that marks profound transition. Since time immemorial, humans have gathered to witness beginnings: births, initiations, unions, endings. They aren’t just pretty moments, but meaningful beginnings of new chapters; and of course endings of others. A Rite of passage anchors us in community, in shared witness, in love that is held and celebrated. In my lecture this month at Surrey University on rites of passage and Ritual, I spoke about how a ceremony connects us to something larger than ourselves; a lineage of love, faith, family, and belonging. Connection is a deep human need.
So if you’re wondering “why have a wedding… why not just elope?”, the short answer is this:
A wedding is the beginning you want to remember, because it’s all about HOPE
It’s the love you want and HOPE to feel
It’s the joy you want and HOPE to share with your community.
It’s the story you want reflected back at you, and hope is paving the way for that path ahead.
It’s a shared experience, which you get to create.
Photographer: Lucy G Photography
Venue: Royal Chelsea Hospital
Yes, elopement is a beautiful choice for some; small, intimate, entirely focused on the couple’s private vows and experience. It can be legal, meaningful, romantic, and deeply aligned with who you are as a pair, and for me, that’s a lovely way to get legally married. I have couples this year doing their ‘legals’ in Gibraltar, and Gretna Green, whilst others are doing it at their local registry office. That, for me, is the best of both world! Have your couple time for your marriage; your legally binding, life time contract of marriage, and then…. Well, then… we can celebrate your marriage with a wedding!
Why? Because for many couples (those who choose me, for example) a wedding with family and friends is about fellowship; a coming together of your world, your people and your story. It’s a shared moment of gratitude and witness that transforms your “yes” into a memory that ripples outwards. The vows you speak, the laughter, the tears, the confetti, dancing, the cake cutting, the bouquet toss even these are collective remembrance, not just private experience. That it you as the couple that brings the energy to it all.
And that’s where I, as an independent celebrant, plays a unique role.
I don’t just stand there and read your names from a script. I craft your ceremony, weaving your beliefs, spirituality, cultural values, humour, and identity into something sacred and deeply personal.., because if a wedding ceremony should be anything – it should be personal don’t you think?! Whether your spiritual life is rooted in organised faith, personal belief, creative ritual, or even ‘the force’; I make space for it in the words you speak and the moments you share.
Photographer: Doriane Descamps Photography
Venue: Foxhills Country Club
The last thing you want is for your wedding to be pointless! So ask yourself this very important question “what is the point of our wedding?”
Here are some answers if you are stuck:
A wedding is not just an event. It’s a ritual of belonging, a ceremony of meaning,
and a beginning that reverberates long after the last song fades. It connects you to your past, celebrates your present, and sets a hope and intention for your future; PLUS you get to invite all those loved ones to come who you truly want to bring forward with you into this new phase.
If you find yourself asking the “big questions” about why weddings matter, whether the ceremony counts, or how to make your day truly yours, you’re already thinking like a couple who wants more than pretty photos. You want a moment that speaks to your heart, lifts your spirits, embodies fellowship and community AND is all about hope – So what is YOUR why? And once you have found it, isn’t that worth celebrating? I bet it is!
If you want to know more about marriage, marriage preparation, wedding ceremony creation, design, and booking, then I’d love to hear from you!
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Warmly yours
Helen
