Whose Day Is It, Really? Yours or Theirs?
Planning your wedding can feel like juggling a dozen plates while trying not to let any of them crash. It’s meant to be a joyous time, yet navigating the maze of opinions, expectations, and unsolicited advice can easily dim the glow of excitement. So, how do you approach these decisions in a way that doesn’t leave you or anyone else hurt or overwhelmed?
The answer lies in intention. Take time, right from the start, to decide how you’ll approach each decision. It will shape not just the wedding day itself, but the memories you carry forward – because emotions carry memories too. So – how do you decide?
The Tug-of-War: Yours vs. Theirs
Let’s be honest, no matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to please everyone. Someone, somewhere, will think their way would have been better. That’s just human nature. And yet, I’ve seen couples tie themselves into knots trying to make everyone happy – brides in tears, grooms overwhelmed, best men calling for advice on how to manage family politics, and the father of brides asking me to support them re-write their speech during the canapés!
But here’s a truth you can hold onto: your wedding is a celebration of your marriage, and the marriage is about you two. While it’s natural to want harmony, bending too far to accommodate others can leave you feeling hollow, and – trust me on this – they will forget and get over it, whilst you are left emotionally scared by all the ‘meant well’ looks and suggestions; so please, take it from me – you and your spouse really need to unite on the ‘how you decide’ on things.
A Change in Perspective
The words we use matter. They shape how we feel, act, and reflect on decisions. That’s why I encourage couples to swap out two words that so often dominate wedding planning: compromise and tolerance. Instead, let’s talk about balance and acceptance.
From Compromise to Balance
Compromise can feel like a loss, a surrender of what you truly want. It often leads to resentment, especially when one half of the couple feels they’ve given up more. Instead, think about striking a balance.
Balance is about mutual respect and intentional choices. It means creating space for what’s important to you both, ensuring the final decision comes from a place of kindness and thoughtfulness. Balance feels right in your heart because it’s rooted in care, not sacrifice.
Whether it’s the venue, the guest list, or even the colour of the napkins, the goal isn’t to “give in’ but to ‘choose’ . The goal is to create a day that reflects you both as a couple—a day you’ll look back on with pride and joy.
From Tolerance to Acceptance
Tolerance is a ticking time bomb. If you’re merely tolerating someone or something, you’re holding in frustration, and eventually, that will spill over. Acceptance, on the other hand, is freeing.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you agree with everything; it means you acknowledge things as they are and let go of the need to control or fix them. It’s about saying, “This is who they are, and this is who I am, and that’s okay.”
When planning your wedding, your ceremony, and even how your family might look like (because trust me when I say the questions never stop) focus on what truly matters. If a situation or relationship is causing tension, dig deeper. Ask yourself: Is this something I can change? If so, address it. If not, practice acceptance and move forward with peace of mind. It takes a moment, but practice it on the little things to begin with, so that when something big comes along, you are ready to handle it better.
The Bottom Line
Your wedding is about celebrating your marriage – the union of two people who have chosen to embark on a shared journey. Marriage is personal, intimate, and yours alone. The wedding, however, is a chance to gather your loved ones and say, “We’re in this together!”
So, the big question is:
Who do you want to celebrate with, and how do you want to celebrate?
Let those answers guide you. Strive for balance, embrace acceptance, and make choices that reflect the essence of your love story – past, present, AND future hopes. At the end of the day, it is your day. You are the hosts, the heartbeat of the celebration, and your freedom to choose should always come first.
Remember, this is a time to dream big, plan with purpose, and create a day that feels as special as the journey you’re beginning. And no matter what, trust that when your intentions are grounded in love and kindness, everything will fall into place beautifully at some point.
Your wedding is a celebration of love and joy. Let’s make sure that joy starts from the very beginning.
If you want to go deeper, this is a taster of the sorts of things we cover in the healthy marriage success course… Click here to learn more about this video training and the IN-PERSON workshop on the 8th Feb 2025
