Proposals are just a one-way thing! They are also not a one-way ticket to a YES. It’s about taking your relationship onto another plain.
It might be you have been together for ages, and still no sign of an engagement.
It might be you have been thinking about it, but you haven’t asked, or perhaps you haven’t
been putting out the higher vibration that this is something you want.
So here are some things to think about.
1 – Are you an incubator, procrastinator or spontaneous person?
Before the pandemic, about 75%- 83% of you felt pressured to make it a unique experience, and it was/is pressure putting you off. Change the lens you look through. Don’t think of it as procrastination. Your not waiting for something better to come along, it’s more that you are worried about it not being ‘amazing’. Take a breath. Actually asking someone to marry you, or to be asked is in credible in itself. So perhaps you are just ‘incubating’ rather than procrastinating, as you want to ‘get it right’. Well, keep reading my friend! Since the pandemic, over 50% of proposals are now spontaneous! We are all about ceasing the day now! So once you have read this – nothing should stop you!
2 – If you are proposing, set it in a way that is right for them, not you.
By this I mean the proposal moment itself – not your marriage outlook! Marriage is about a relationship and making each other including one self, happy. But in the actual moment – think about proposing in a place or a way that is special to THEM. For example, if YOU love the outdoors, and a good stomp in the woods, but they love a spa afternoon, then perhaps think more along the ‘relaxation and wellness’ lines rather than the ‘outdoor adventure’ lines. You want to add an extra layer to an already happy moment.
3 – Don’t be empty-handed – it sends the wrong message. Also – Insure the ring BEFORE hand!
With over 50% of proposals in ‘21 and ‘22 being spontaneous, it might be forgivable that you don’t get a ring .. BUT it’s still a rookie mistake. If you feel the urge to propose coming on, adapt and make! The ring you propose with does not need to be the ‘forever’ ring. It might be you are near a high street – so perhaps get a ‘holding’ ring. It might be you have some harribo and there is a ring in the pack you can use :-), or it might be you can craft a ring out of some soft tigs or foliage whilst out on the walk. My point is, don’t show up empty-handed. It screams all sorts of wrong messages. Can’t you provide? Can’t you delay instant gratification, can’t you think about how your other half might feel when you show up with empty words and no ‘token’. See what I mean? I love a spontaneous moment, but it does need ot have substance, in the form of a ring, somehow!
If however, you have got the ‘forever’ ring, then just as a side note tip from me, please get it insured before you take it out for its presentation! SO so so many things can happen! (that’s another blog perhaps!)
4 – Remember it’s a Question, Not an instruction!
This is such a bugbear of mine! If you look on INSTA at the most incredible proposal set-up, letters, balloons, and light-up signs, you will be pushed to find an actual proposal question. ‘WILL you marry me’? It’s a question. Are you WILLING to marry me? Would you choose to be with me always? It’s not an instruction, It’s not ‘Marry me’. Where is the option? A proposal is a leap of faith. You are vulnerable. Proposing shows courage. Pu yourself out there. Respect their free will. You are saying you choose them, which is incredible, so give them the same space to choose you. If they say yes, then you get that incredible feeling too! It’s a win win!
5 – Security in the familiar – practice!
The brain hates the unknown. We want to fight or flee. We love to have control and certainty. Our brain will be telling our body that this is new, and therefore not safe and therefore will send all sorts of messages around your body! You might go weak at the knee, you might get the sweats on, you might even lose your voice, or a frog gets in your throat. So, for your brain to behave, and your body to behave, you need to give it security, and that is found in the familiar. So practice. Get use to saying the words, get use to letting the ‘air time’ have a pause. The more you have said the words before, the more likely they will come out well! Clumsy proposals are that cute. They are just clumsy.
6 – ssshhh! We are all rubbish at keeping secrets!
Exciting news is energising! We want to spread the love and share the joy! Even if we promise to keep it to ourselves, there will be an overtone of excitement in their voice, or the eyebrows keep raising with bight big excited eyes, or they literally just drop you in it. I understand that you may have to tell perhaps one or ask another, but thats it. Keep it shtum after that! No need to put extra pressure on yourself is there! This will be your special moment. Hold on to it. Have it as your news just for a moment. Some couples hold it for the whole weekend, while others last about 3 seconds! But share the news as an engaged couple, together. It’s lovely to have that first news as a couple.
There is such a bonus to all of this! Obviously, there is the outcome that you have done your best, feel proud of yourself, followed your heart, been brave and got what brings you joy and happiness which is absolutely fantastic but, with my celebrant hat on, it means you are pretty much set for vow writing! All this thinking about why you want to be married to this person, are all the things that you can put in your vows!
So next step – wedding ceremony planning with me, Helen Noble, Celebrant!
Image – @voncphotgraphy