The clocks are about to change, Spring is stretching its arms and beginning to wake up, the blossoms are out, the daffodils are doing their very best in the wind, the Willow is lime green, but we have the trusty English oak not budging till it’s official (love the oak!) But I know, in many homes, suitcases are being pulled down from the loft ahead of the Easter break that is coming… ready for holidays, sunshine, and a change of scene.
BUT quietly, underneath all of that, there’s a truth we don’t often say out loud, but we are quietly grateful for, which is that ‘We made it through winter… and we didn’t die’.
Now, that might sound a little blunt, but stay with me, because what if someone you love did,
Or what if you had a moment, a wobble, a scare, a reality check, that made you realise…
“I’m not quite ready.” Not dead-ready anyway.
Stay with me – I have a solution.
Photo credit: CG Photography
What’s In Your Suitcase?
When we pack for a holiday, we think carefully about what we take. What do we need? What don’t we need that should actually come back out of the suitcase and be left behind, and what is it we insist on taking despite it weighing us down?
It’s not so different packing for a trip as it is for getting ourselves dead ready, is it?
When it comes to life, and ultimately, death, We rarely stop to ask:
What am I carrying that I don’t need anymore?
What feels heavy?
What might stop me from resting in peace when the time comes?
It won’t be a surprise to you that I think about this stuff all the time, and when I’m sitting in the living rooms of bereft families, I wish their person had thought about it too.
Easter break aside, the next “departure lounge” in life is a one-way ticket.
Or is it? Is it to you? It isn’t to me. I’m pretty sure I’m going back as star dust and my soul will take up residence in a fabulous baby, sharing and enriching a new soul with my old one to support it…. But what about you?
Perhaps you believe in something beyond the dead end.
A return journey? Reincarnation is it for you? Coming back in a different form? A robin in the garden? A cat on a windowsill? Becoming part of the stars or, as my friend from school said “I want to come back as an old lady with purple hair who is grumpy but fabulous and excellent on the trampoline!”
Whatever your belief or wish, when did you last sit with it? Truly and deeply. For Christians, we are in Lent, so many are sitting with this darkness at this moment, hoping or knowing that the resurrection is coming. For Hindu’s, they have just celebrated Holi, celebrating spring and giving thanks for new life.
What about you? When did you think about ‘after’, properly in a daydreaming ‘I wonder’ sort of way, honestly, without distraction, and get curious?
Photo Credit: Schmittat Photography
Fourteen Years of Life, Love & Legacy
This spring marks the start of my 14th year as a celebrant.
And over that time, I’ve had the profound privilege of standing alongside people at life’s most significant moments:
✨ The joy of love at namings
✨ The hope of ‘for as long as we both shall live’ type of love at weddings
✨ And the evidence of love at farewells, when the love goes beyond the grave
Along the way, my work has grown into something much bigger than ceremonies alone. I have been slowly but surely creating an ecosystem for life, love, and legacy.
Through my marriage preparation sessions, mentoring with celebrants, and my online platform Swan Song as well as going out into the community for sponsored talks with my ‘departure lounge’, I support people not just in celebrating life but in preparing for its ending as we know it to be. Through my work, I can tell you for a fact that at the end of life, what people want is beautifully simple. We even wish it for them don’t we? It’s written on countless head stones: “Rest in peace”
We want ourselves and them to feel at peace; to know they have loved and to know they have been loved. As a celebrant, I believe a funeral is about bearing witness to their life, and for those left, it should also be life-affirming and inspiring. How will you ensure that that can be what happens when you find yourself in your own departure lounge?
Photo credit: Ibiza Wedding Photogrpahy
The Things Left Unsaid
If you haven’t read all the above and skipped to here, this is the ‘what if ’ part. It’s where I hope your transformation takes place.
It is heartbreaking to witness someone nearing the end of their life who is still holding a grudge, or still carrying words unsaid, or desperate to make amends, and still wondering “what if…”
We joke about it, don’t we, and drop passing comments in conversations like ‘oh that’s the tune I want at my funeral’ when you hear it on a night out, Or once in a while, mention to your best friend that ‘they are in charge of the naughty drawer and must burn all your diaries!’ or even wear matching underwear – just in case!
We do it because we know, deep down, that actually it’s no good for us just knowing it, we need to actually tell someone one way or another.
But how do you start that journey of accepting your choices? Where do you go with it once decisions have been made about your funeral, about your philosophy of life?
I KNOW there is a deep human need to feel; “I’ve done my best.” “I’ve made an impact.” “I’m leaving things as well as I can.” mainly because I’m a chronic people pleaser and classic overachiever mad middle child, but also because I know hope alone isn’t enough.
We – me included – need to take action.
So if you are reading this and are still here, you know you need to make ‘That call’, send ‘That message’ and sit with a cuppa and ponder on that moment of honesty where you truly think about your ‘life after’ and the journey you and your body will go on for your final farewell.
Photo credit: Alex Orrow Photography
Don’t Leave It To Them
Thinking about your own death might feel, and probably will, feel uncomfortable.
So is waiting for delayed flight! For lots of us, Slow is painful, but life is the one thing we don’t want to rush, but death doesn’t always give you a deadline, a flight time, an eta or a standby or even a final destination guarantee!
Let me flip it for you. Let’s not make it about you; let’s make it about them – your loved ones’ . the ones you don’t want to ‘burden’.
How much harder will it be for your loved ones if you haven’t done any of that thinking yourself? If you have children, how will their relationships with each other be affected when they need to be making decisions based on… thin air alone?
If they’re left wondering:
- What would you have wanted?
- What should they say?
- What would feel right?
Then you definitely need to read on! (and SHARE this blog!)
I’m not all saying this to scare you, it isn’t about fear. It is very much the opposite in fact. Familiarity brings security. Silence can be where the chaos lives.
If you don’t make yourself think about your own soul, body, and actual existence, you make your death someone else’s problem.
Photo credit: Alex Orrow Photography
A Different Kind of Conversation
This is exactly why I do what I do. I want to reduce trauma, bring joy, and make space for faith in all of life’s rites of passages.
It’s why I created Swan Song, a space to gently guide you through your legacy, your wishes, and your emotional “housekeeping”
Why I host Departure Lounge sessions — where we open up these conversations in a safe, human, often surprisingly uplifting way. Drop me an email if you want to know more
And why, this April, during Dying Matters Awareness Week…
I am collaborating with Clandon Wood Natural Burial Ground and the wonderful Simon Ferrar to host something truly special
Monday 27th April | 11am
Yes… You read that correctly.
And no, neither Simon whose funeral is it, nor I will be actually dead (I hope – I’m not dead ready for sure!)
This event is like a dress rehearsal for facing your own truth. Watch and listen in person as I take a funeral ceremony and the founder of Clandon Wood Burial Ground tells you what choices he had and the decisions he made to get there.
It’s a space to witness, to feel, to understand and to get comfortable with the uncomfortable and to find a little more security in something that is a little less unfamiliar.
We shall show you what a natural burial could look like.
You will experience Simon’s funeral without any grief as I take his ‘planned’ ceremony – I have his play list.
And what do you get? You get free space and TIME to privately reflect on your own life and your own goodbye.
Simon will gently guide you through the practicalities and I will take you into the emotional heart of it, holding space for reflection, for connection, and for what so many of us quietly need. We want to know we can all have a
A good goodbye, and be able to rest in peace.
Photo credit: Alex Orrow Photography
Here is the how, the where and when!
A Loving Wake-Up Call
Call it a morbid curiosity if you like, but I want it to be a gentle reminder that you are currently AWAKE and upright and breathing, which is marvellous!
So back to where I started, with Spring, and with a suitcase.
What’s in your bag? What is in your heart? What’s on your mind?
ACTION: Pop 11am 27th April in your diaries and wake up to your life, to your relationships, to the time you have, and to where you think your final destination and journey might be.
Our magic is in our mortality. Embrace it and make it count AND be witnessed!
✨ Join us at Come to My Funeral
✨ Or begin your journey gently through Swan Song
No pressure, no fear, but free parking, free refreshments and free spirits!
Photo credit: Alex Orrow Photography
