You’ve said yes. What comes next?
For some people, the wait has been agonising. For others, it was a total surprise. And for a few, it’s been a lovely thing to have happened but shortly followed by the sudden realisation that a wedding needs to be planned – all mixed with utter excitement, of course.
It’s a crazy wedding planning time! So, where do you start?
As a wedding celebrant for 14 years, I’ve come into couples’ wedding planning worlds at all sorts of different stages; I can tell you for sure that starting early is better, because I help you get clear on your marriage vision first. Through doing this, the wedding vision becomes SO much easier!
You do not need to do everything at once.
You wouldn’t pack a suitcase for a holiday without knowing your destination or the climate, would you? Think of wedding planning like holiday planning. Trust me, it helps!
Having clarity on what you want your marriage to look and feel like feeds directly into how you approach the design of your wedding. Having an idea of your why (why you want to marry each other, and why you want a wedding) makes the journey towards your wedding day so much smoother.
If you know your holiday destination and the weather forecast, you have a rough idea of what to pack and what you need to do. Wedding planning is much the same.
Start with your values, not your wedding Pinterest board
I am speaking from experience as a bride, but also as an expert wedding celebrant. For me, when we planned our wedding, we started with our values.
We love good company and energy. Having both come from big families, and both sharing a love language of acts of service, we knew our wedding was going to be big. We have a huge community, and for us, the more the merrier! It was all about the energy and connection.
So, finding someone who could hold all that energy was important.
That’s a REALLY KEY part of what you want your wedding celebrant to do: be able to hold the room.
So, what does a wedding celebrant actually do?
I hold the room – both energetically and logistically.
I harness the energy, the vibe, the expectation, the nerves, the politics and the potential anxiety of those taking an active part in the ceremony itself, as I guide you through it.
The ceremony is the rite of passage, the ritual, the shared experience that marks a significant transformation in your lives. We celebrate the start of your marriage with your wedding.
It’s a script where the words have been specially chosen, the rhythm carefully curated, and the energy captured as I tell your story and guide you through the experience.
That might include readings, music, vows, rings, the kiss and anything else you want, or don’t want! Ceremonial touches such as tying the knot, an oath stone, a unity candle, or Sofrah Aghd, a sing-along, a wedding ring warming, and so on!
Your ceremony should feel like you and your story when you get the right wedding celebrant. It will not feel like a template, or a performance for other people, and certainly not something you feel you have to squeeze yourselves into. Your wedding should, and will, make you feel expansive, excited, joyful and blimmin so loved up you can’t wipe that smile off your face!
What’s the difference between a wedding celebrant and a registrar?
In England and Wales, an independent celebrant-led wedding ceremony is currently symbolic rather than legally binding. Couples need to complete the legal formalities separately, usually through a register office
For my couples, they often choose to do the legal part during the wedding week and then have their wedding celebration at the weekend – and that’s just one option. But PLEASE NOTE – sorting out the registrar is a whole other thing!! – call me! It’s genuinely a minefield. Trust me when I say the celebrant part is the easy bit
Your wedding, and particularly your ceremony, is a tailor-made affair. You tell me your hopes and dreams, and we bring them to life together through music, readings, songs, rituals and an approach that suits you. The beauty of a celebrant-led ceremony is the freedom to make it personal, meaningful and reflective of the people standing in front of me.
With wedding law reform being considered in England and Wales, it’s an interesting time for couples and celebrants alike. For now, though, it’s important to understand the distinction between the legal marriage and the ceremony itself.
Can our wedding ceremony include our faith, culture and family traditions?
Yes! This is one of the things I absolutely love about being an independent celebrant.
Due to the fact that the celebrant-led ceremony is not the legal act of marriage, we have considerable freedom over its content. We can bring together different traditions, beliefs and cultural practices in a way that feels right for you and both your families.
I grew up in the Church of England, my children go to a Catholic school, and I have a very international family so over the years, I’ve absolutely loved exploring the blended cultures we share and the freedom we have to embrace our multi-heritage, multi-faith and first-generation British identities.
For example, I love incorporating a Persian or Iranian Sofreh Aghd ceremony into a wedding, particularly the sugar ceremony involving the women of the families. It’s so wonderfully engaging for everyone!
It’s a beautiful example of how a tradition can bring people together, tell a story and give everyone in the room a part to play.
As an independent celebrant, I also make space for faith and for your faith leader, if you wish; It’s particularly lovely when your rabbi or priest can attend as a wedding guest, and I invite them to offer a prayer or blessing at the appropriate point in the ceremony. We can work together to make sure their contribution feels natural and meaningful, while respecting their own beliefs and traditions whilst giving you the space you wish, want and need through this bespoke design with me.
I’m not an ordained minister, so I don’t perform the religious functions of an ordained faith leader, but I can absolutely help you create space for your faith and invite the people who matter to you to contribute.
Again, it’s about what works for you, your families and your faith leaders, so that together we create the most wonderfully deep and transformative ceremony we can.
What questions should we ask before booking a wedding celebrant?
My easy answer is to start with a discovery call and let it flow.
Most celebrants are naturally conversational, and a good first conversation should give you a feel for how they work, whether they understand you and whether you can imagine them leading your ceremony.
If you like to be prepared, I’d return to your why and see how they respond to it.
For example, you might say:
“We come from two very different family backgrounds, and some of that has caused tricky family politics as we navigate our wedding. How might you support us with this?”
Over my 14 years as a celebrant, I’ve navigated many a family political situation, differing opinions and controversy. It comes down to being informed, confident and experienced in my work.
From Omani fathers who work at the palace to parents who are unemployed or struggling financially, every family brings its own story, expectations and sensitivities; and agenda.
I can help you create a day that still feels magical and wonderfully YOURS, while enabling the people you love to feel seen and heard, too – it’s an important distinction. Your wedding is about your commitment to each other, but the people in the room matter hugely too and a good celebrant understands how to acknowledge that without losing sight of the two people at the heart of it all.
Having a celebrant-led ceremony (with me) also means you can write and say your own vows, making clear to yourselves, and to everyone in the room, your dedication to building a happy, healthy and successful marriage.
Best of all, you get a rehearsal and support all the way! (can you imagine all that work and preparation for your wedding, and then going into the ceremony completely blind, and to a stranger?? OMG – it blows my mind hat people choose to do this (Registrar led wedding) .
I help my couples with structure if they want it, share readings and poems from my library, and draw on my experience to guide them through the ceremony step by step. By the time the wedding day arrives, you’ll feel so familiar with the ceremony that the only thing you need to do is thoroughly enjoy yourselves and savour every moment. You’ll know what to expect, feel supported and be able to concentrate on each other rather than wondering what’s coming next. Those butterflies will be pure excitement – and not nerves!
How do we know we’ve found the right wedding celebrant?
It’s much like saying yes to your fiancé, or yes to the dress. You’ll know when you want to say yes to your celebrant!
They should make you feel listened to, understood and comfortable being yourselves.
If you don’t get that feeling, keep looking. Much like wedding dresses, there’s one for everyone!
Personally, with 14 years’ experience, a multi-faith perspective and a multicultural, international family, I love a British destination wedding with an international garnish!
Having Surrey, London or Hampshire as your destination can be particularly special. I love helping couples bring their people together, especially when guests are travelling from different countries, and not everyone speaks English. Surrey is so perfectly placed between airports, surrounded by the surrey hills and home to some INCREDBLE wedding venues!
We can think about how the ceremony is delivered, how different family members are included, and how to make sure everyone feels connected to what’s happening, regardless of their language or background.
For me, it’s about creating a ceremony that feels accessible, inclusive and entirely personal to you.
When should we book a wedding celebrant?
My advice is to enquire early.
Like many independent celebrants, I generally take one wedding booking per day, which gives me flexibility around the ceremony itself and the support I offer beforehand.
Popular dates can book up quickly, particularly bank holiday weekends, school holidays and midsummer weekends. If you have your heart set on a particular date, it’s worth having the conversation sooner rather than later.
That said, because I also work as a funeral celebrant (the most powerful legacy of love – and this is why your wedding vows REALLY matter btw) , I’m very used to working to tight timescales. I’m comfortable with a quick, intensive booking-to-delivery process, so it’s rare that I’ll say no to a wedding enquiry.
My only real ‘no’ is when I’m already booked!
Personally, I LOVE a New Year’s Eve wedding. I love a twilight, late-afternoon wedding, too, particularly when we head straight into speeches and turn the whole day on its head by starting with a welcome reception of canapés and cocktails before the wedding ceremony!
Why follow a formula when you can make the day work around you?
Your wedding, your story, your truth
Proposing, being proposed to, getting married and planning a wedding are all part of a love story, and I love storytelling.
Particularly a love story, and especially one with a sense of ceremony, fun, laughter and dedication to the bigger picture, expressed through the tiny personal details. It’s the moment you make your commitment to each other in front of the people who matter to you. Its about bearing witness to your story, your love and standing together in HOPE for your happy ever after.
The celebrant led wedding is where your story, your values, your families and your hopes for the future come together.
I want you to look back on that moment and know that it was genuinely yours.
If I sound like the celebrant for you, then hi! Welcome to my world. Come in!
