Let’s talk about something we all think about—but rarely talk about out loud: what happens when we die.
Not just spiritually, or legally, or logistically—but emotionally, practically, and personally.
As a celebrant, I meet people at all stages of life – from engaged, to new parents, to the recently bereaved. For many, the thought of death brings up fear, confusion, or avoidance. You’re not alone. But if you’re reading this, chances are you want to do something truly beautiful and brave: prepare gently, leave smoothly, and unburden your loved ones with a plan made with love.
That’s exactly what Swan Song is about.
Why People Avoid End-of-Life Planning (and Why It Matters)
You might be surprised how often people say:
- “I don’t want to upset my family.”
- “I’m scared they’ll think I’m giving up.”
- “It’s all too complicated—I don’t know where to begin.”
- “ I don’t want to jinx myself or seem morbid”
- “it not that I don’t have hope, but it seems a bit depressing’
But the truth? End-of-life planning is a gift. It’s not morbid or final—it’s intentional. It’s saying “I love you enough to make this easier for you.” It’s saying “ I love my life and I want to make sure I continue to and not live in fear or you to worry” .
I was talking with a friend in the playground (as you do) and she was so worried it would bring death closer to her, but we sat and talked and she realised that talking about her life and love and legacy actually brought her closer to herself. And she felt a lot more peaceful in her heart, mind and soul! She also felt more equipped to talk with her parents about it. Many of us are the ‘sandwich generation’ . We are parents, but we are also caring for our own parents. Having to deal with a funeral is going to be a certainty in our life at some point, and won’t it help you to have security in something familiar rather than adding yet more shock into the mix? After my conversation with my friend, she said she felt filled with courage. What a gift that conversation was I had with her. It’s what inspired this blog.
What Is Swan Song?
Swan Song is a programme I created to help you prepare for conversations around death—not in fear, but with grace, clarity, and your story at the centre. It’s in video format but you can easily treat it as an audio whilst out walking – as many clients do.
Whether you’re thinking ahead for yourself or supporting someone you love, Swan Song offers:
- Guided conversations about wishes, values, and messages
- Practical tools for documenting funeral preferences, care instructions, and personal touches
- Opportunities to record your voice and story, creating legacy keepsakes
- Workshops and private sessions off camera with me – gentle, respectful, meeting
And yes—it can even feel healing, empowering and motivating! As Nikki would have said @nicknacklou – go grab life! She was the motivation behind my lightning strike tattoo a couple of years back.
What You Can Plan (and Why It Helps)
Here are a few gentle first steps you can take:
- Write down your funeral wishes (burial, cremation, natural, music, poetry, faith, or no-faith)
- Share your end-of-life values (comfort, pain relief, dignity, legacy, celebration)
- Create a “Death File” with key documents (will, passwords, contact lists, letters to loved ones)
- Leave messages or stories—voice memos, video clips, handwritten notes. These are treasures.
Talk about it—even if it feels awkward. Honest conversation opens the door to peace.
Common Questions I Hear (And Gentle Answers)
“What if my family doesn’t agree with my funeral choices?”
That’s okay. Swan Song helps you clearly express what matters to you—with compassion for those you love.
“Isn’t this too early?”
No. The best time is before there’s any pressure. Early planning removes panic, guilt and awkwardness and creates presence.
“Will talking about death make it feel more real?”
Yes—and in the best way. You may have heard me say many times, that our magic lies in our mortality! Naming our fears often softens them. You may feel lighter, not heavier, and you feel closer to yourself.
Why Planning Ahead Is a Final Act of Love
Think of it like this: just as we prepare for a birth or a wedding, we can prepare for a goodbye. With music, poetry, rituals, and stories—chosen by you, in your voice.
When the time comes, your family won’t be guessing. They’ll be honouring you. And they’ll have more space to grieve, because you gave them the gift of knowing, and haven’t left them exhausted trying to guess, with the best intention, what you might have wanted. It will in fact, reduce trauma and instill in them an element of support – your love, your life and your legacy.
Ready to Begin?
Whether you want to:
- Start your own Swan Song journey
- Gift this process to a loved one
- Or just explore what’s possible…
You’re invited. With warmth, empathy, and a little sparkle—I’ll walk with you.
With warmth and wonder,
Helen x
Celebrant of Surrey
