When it comes to events of the heart, you’re not going to please everyone, and its so hard to hear, and a really bitter pill to swallow, so I hope this blog helps. Weddings, namings, and even funerals – its all a love story, but nothing gets people more fired up than love!
Here is me, sat in a ceremony space, outside in a bluebell wood – the gamble with the weather paid off. Some people would have had something to say about that, but I went with hope! If you loose hope, what else is there?
Weddings can bring the best, and the worst out in you, your nearest and dearest, and your spouse to be. Naming ceremonies can become a platform where people want to stamp their authority or role, funerals can be very tense indeed as people begin treading very carefully.
‘Sorry, thank you but no’. Its not bringing out your best!
Pretty shocking statement I know, and probably what you don’t want to hear but maybe, just maybe it resonates with you just a little… or a lot!
So why do we see the dark side of ourselves and others when it comes to wedding planning – or any ceremony planning actually – be that naming days or even funerals?
Perhaps your other half has stepped back so that you can ‘go with what you like’ .
Part of you is loving the freedom, but the other part ends up screaming at them to blimin’ well pull their finger out and get involved because it isn’t a wedding for one! After all – they may have actually proposed the idea to you in the first place!! WILL you marry me they said! YES you said… so let’s get wed shall we or do you think it’s going to magically happen?.. not that that’s your stressed voice talking or anything! An argument finally happens, or sulking starts
Perhaps the bridesmaid is a spread sheet queen, loves a plan and is stressing you out because you want to take it gently and see where the journey takes you, but you end up feeling a whole load and anxiety each time she asks you a question about what’s happening when and where and logistics of the entire run up to the day and the day itself AND the days after?
Perhaps the extended family are asking for the wedding guest list and suggesting that Pat from 2 doors down should come because she’s known you all your life and wouldn’t it be lovely for her to have something to look forward too, but actually your now tempted to jack it all in, jump on a plane and elope?
Perhaps you have lost a loved on and just need some time, even a moment, to cry and breath before having to make decisions. but the family are asking and asking…
The little one is nearly 2 years old and half the gang haven’t met them yet, but actually the thought of having SO many people pick up your precious baby/ toddler/ or pre schooler, smother them in kisses and then expect a buffet food serving where everyone is touching everything feels you with dread but you smile and carry on crushing under the duty of it all…
Any of that sound familiar?
As crazy as it sounds, it totally normal! I hear you I see you, and I’ve got you.
So here is some good news. It’s all fed by joy and love as no one wants to get it wrong. (Unless actually they are just mean and horrid so get rid!)
People want to help. Feeling significant in making someone’s day that little bit better is very gratifying so people want some of that! They might be chasing significance and love feeling needed, or they might feed of dopamine and just love the hit of ‘doing’ and achieving!
They might want it for themselves but the only way to feel some actual love and enjoy good company is through YOUR event, so they are jumping on with both feel to make it as amazing as they can – for you (and a little bit for them)
Don’t feel dead wood to your wedding and lets kick the chains of self-inflicted duty off your ankles. Easier said than done, I know, as sometimes you feel that the main point of the day is getting totally missed. But fear not.
Its about hope and trust and faith in love
Your nearest and dearest will probably be the ones that rub you up the wrong way, and get you all in a spin, but that’s because they are the ones most invested in your happiness and actually their opinion of it all are the ones that really count for you.
So here are some things /tip/ actions for you or do to get you on track
- Breath – Have that power in a pause. Go ‘off radar’ for a weekend from everyone other than YOUR one (be that spouse child or bereft) and
- Value – What do you really truly value in life? Or in your relationship. The stuff that money can’t buy – what is it that holds value. Go right back to that and check in with yourselves to see if you have come off point.
- Monetary value – Once you have felt in your heart what truly is of emotional value to you, how can you then invest your money with the good energy you want to create and be in. For me, of course, its all about relationships and the ceremony is the heart of the day that celebrates that – So no surprise, that where I put both emotional value and monetary value.
- Intention – looking at the past intention that brought the love to your table in the first place, to the proposal (if a wedding) or the safe arrival of the child for the naming , or the heart ache because of a loss (etc, you see my point – Love is love at what ever stage of live) ; then from that past place, look at your present place, and look to the future – is the intention consistent. It should be. What you do with that intention changes, but the desire to bring joy, show love, have trust and respect (for example) should be the intention behind all the action.
- Be in action not motion : Planning any event will inevitably get you caught on the ‘motion’ bus. ‘Just going through the motions’ ‘just making your way through the list’. Being in motion is fine at the start, but you want to make sure you are in conscious action. Make a deliberate choice when you decide on something. Not deciding to be in action, is deciding to just go through the motions…. Which wont get you as far as ‘ for as long as we both shall live’. I t might get you as far as 7 years – and then that itch hits.
- Be Grateful: this is the ones that they here. All the other points are for you, but Gratitude is the one that they will need. Here are some examples
‘Thank you so much, I love how invested you are! We love the thought behind your suggestion, so what we are doing is….
“We really value…(connection, trust family… what ever) and your idea really work with that, so thank you I’ll bear it in mind’
“I can see you have spent time thinking about that – that’s really flattering, thank you, We aren’t that far ahead yet, but I know where to come if I get stuck – thank you’
So, put the work in now on working out what LOVE looks like and means to you, as that will make your intention pure. Pure love. People get stressing and cross and worried and negative when they don’t feel the love. So, kill it the with kindness. Light will always outshine dark.
The antidote to lack of control is love.
If you want to avoid failure at a ceremony, you want to have control over the content, the style and the vibe, then you want to choose a celebrant led ceremony!
Concept, Planner and Celebrant Helen Noble @celebrantofsurrey
Photography @jasonleamanphotography
Event hire and styling @soireesurrey
Flowers @carrie.macey
Videographer @sn_photoandvideo
Hair and Makeup @gemmalouisebridal
Bridal gown @weddingfroxbridalboutique
Bridal Boots @houseofelliotlaceboots
Bridal hair piece @rachelchaprunne
Rings @lawsonjcarr
Grooms suit @hire_5menswear
Cake @cakesbyniacummings
Stationery @tigerlilyweddingstationery
Violinst @jennifermaslinmusic
Glasswear & crockery & chairs @crystalhireltd
Jewellery @adalise_jewellery
Wooden ring holder @fudge_meade
Rings @lawsonjcarr
Honey favours @sergiobeefriends
Gin @silentpoolgin
Violinist Outfit @thegateboutiqueguildford
Bridal jacket @depicteddenim
Napkins @just_4_linen
